Letter to Alex and Chris, Twelve Years in the Future.

Hi guys.

I was wondering, have you learned about the My Lai Massacre at school yet? If you have, you can skip the next couple of paragraphs and start reading further down. But just in case you haven't, let me give you a quick summary of it.

The My Lai Massacre was the wholesale slaughter, by U.S. soldiers, of hundreds of Vietmanese civilians, mostly women and children, in 1968 during the Vietnam War. Charlie Company, 11th Brigade, was informed by U.S. Intelligence that the village of My Lai was filled with insurgents - civilians who were aiding North Vietnam - and advised that the village be destroyed. On the morning of March 16th, the soldiers, one platoon led by Lt. William Calley, killed hundreds of civilians, some as young as a year old. Some were tortured or raped. Dozens were herded into a ditch and executed with automatic weapons. Even when it became clear that the dozens of small children, screaming women, and suffering elderly men were not the Vietcong, the soldiers kept on slaughtering. Only four American men at My Lai refused to take part that day. In all the chaos, and the burning, gunfire, and screaming, and the entirety of the U.S. Army supporting the action, four stepped back and refused. One of these men was helicopter pilot Hugh Thompson. That's a photo of him on the left. He's only a few years older than you are right now, Alex. He defied his superiors, he argued with his peers, he loudly proclaimed the vile actions of torturing children to death, and then he took action, pulling children out of the ditches where they were to be shot and flying them to safety. Over and over again, he rescued as many civilians as he could. When the order for a ceasefire was given, it is estimated that 504 people were massacred. Thompson managed to save eleven. For his remarkable courage, he was punished by the military and branded a traitor for decades, before public opinion turned and he was rewarded with the Soldier's Medal, the U.S. Army's highest medal for bravery not involving direct contact with the enemy. But of course he did have direct contact with the enemy. It's just that on that day, the enemy was his own army.

I bring up the example of Hugh Thompson, of course, to Teach You A Lesson, which I'll do as soon as you finish rolling your eyes. I bring up Hugh Thompson because he exemplifies the kind of man your father and I want you to be. Thompson was a man who, even at his young age, knew what your Dad and I want you to know above all things: It is your responsibility, as a man, to protect those who can not protect themselves. If you fail at this, you have failed as a human being. It is your duty, even when refusing to protect, or even causing the harm yourself, has no visible consequences for you. It is a lesson we are teaching you even now, twelve years back in 2006, when you, Alex, are six and you, Chris, are three. It is why we become so angry with you when you are careless or thoughtless with the kittens that Santa (ahem!) brought you for Christmas. True, the police won't arrest you if you hurt the kittens. But the job of human beings is to safeguard those who are smaller and do not have the rights and privileges that you yourself have. If you do harm to the kittens, you are a failure. Full stop.

Despite the obviousness of the lesson, it is seemingly not taught or encouraged out in the real world where we all live. As young white men, you sit at the pinnacle of opportunity and privilege. All the power in the world can be yours, but as the old saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility. You may be faced with situations where causing harm is an option. You may be faced with situations where refusing to cause harm may cause you to lose face. You may be faced with a situation where you know you can easily get away with causing harm to another living being. And when the road ends here, my sweet boys, I beg you to remember my words, and the example of Hugh Thompson: It is your duty to protect those who can not protect themselves.

Recently, and by recently I mean twelve years ago last week, there was a highly publicized gang rape trial where four boys videotaped themselves raping an unconscious sixteen-year-old girl. After the rape, they spit on her, drew obscenities on her naked body, then fled the country. When they came back, they were arrested and taken to trial. The public weighed in, as the public always does, saying that sure, maybe the boys made a mistake, but that doesn't make them bad people. That girl consented to be spit on and degraded, because, hey, she was probably kinky. That girl needed to be taught a lesson for drinking underage. That girl was a whore.

The jury must have thought so, too, because the trial ended in acquittal. Not guilty.

But I need to tell you this, and I need you to hear me.

Maybe someday you'll be in a situation like this. Maybe there will be a girl who agrees to give you and five of your friends blowjobs at a party. Maybe she gives blowjobs to all your friends and changes her mind when she gets to you. Maybe there will be a girl who brags about having sex with anyone who wants to do it, then passes out. Maybe there will be a girl who is a stuck up bitch, arrogant, manipulative, mean, cruel, who gets so high she can't keep her eyes open.

You do not have the right to punish these girls, no matter what you think they may or may not deserve. Climbing on top of any one of these girls is causing harm. I know this, because twenty years ago that passed out girl was me. I don't talk about it, but not a day goes by that I don't think about it. To this date, I've thought about it at least once, every day, for twenty years. If you see me in the kitchen making dinner right now, nagging at you for leaving your shoes on the floor for me to trip over or yelling at you for bombing a test, know that today I've thought about what happened to me back in October of 1987. Know that I don't want to talk about it, still.

Nobody was there to protect me, and I was too stupid to think about protecting myself. Think of me, if this situation is ever presented to you. Think about your duty as a man, as a human being. Think about Hugh Thompson. I know it will be hard. I know you could probably get away with doing nothing, or doing the wrong thing. I know you'll be called pussy, or faggot. I know you may lose friends. But know that if you are in a place where you have the chance to help those who can not help themselves, even if your help angers those who are presumably your allies, there will be a word you will also be called: Hero.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Now please pick up your shoes and come to dinner.